There are dishes in the sink, the to-do list seems to grow twice as fast as I can check it off. I plow headlong into the week, days blending into days with their edges fading, bleeding into each other. I take one step after the next, focus on the shifting urgency of now and the horizon moves ever forward as I move toward it. Have I forgotten how to slow the days, how to see the grace?
There are so many things that need to be done, and I can’t find the time to do them all. So many needs screaming out at me, and I can’t find “No” when I need it and I forget how to say “Yes” to what fills me, to what slows the time and heals the anxiety of rush. I find myself forgetting to breathe, sometimes. If I hold my breath, will time slow down?
We are creatures of the now, ever-changing, created to marvel in this one moment and when I let my heart wander into the later, long for the before…the world falls out of focus and I forget the beauty that is this moment, these small and beautiful blessings which woven together form today.
When was the last time you baked a cake just because you wanted to eat cake? Turned up Beethoven’s Fifth loud and listened to it with your eyes closed? Watched the clouds paint the blue sky with changing shapes?
I pray for the wisdom, the discipline to slow down. To live the moment, take in the blessings, save them in my heart. I pray for the grace to let go of the busy and the panic of overwhelming life, for the faith to live it one moment at a time and let God take care of the rest.
When was the last time you flew a kite, bright diamond against the azure sky? Laughed until your sides hurt, and then laughed some more? Marveled at the spun-silver wonder of a spider’s web?
In the quiet of morning, I open the Word…let it open me. I ask for grace to accept the gift of this day, with its beauty, with its brokenness, with its blessings. I ask for the humility to repent of the striving, driving need to manage it all, when none of it is really in my hands to manage. I ask for the freedom to live just in this moment, to know it intimately, to rely on Him fully, to fly free in His protection and grace. For my eyes to be open, to really see.
And for you, friend? I ask this too. That wherever you are and whatever your now looks like, you will find the beauty in it and the grace to live it fully.
When was the last time you felt free to live this moment, be overwhelmed by the brightness of it, be stilled by the glory of it, be humbled by the gift of it?