Dear Foster Baby

Dear Foster Baby,

Your third birthday is on Saturday. Three years old! It’s hard to imagine, and easy to picture at the same time. You left my arms just six weeks after turning a year old, how can the time have passed so quickly?

I want you to know, I think of you and of your brother every day. You are often the last thing I think of before I fall asleep at night, and you are in our prayers daily. I think of your mother, too, and pray for her. I miss your smiles, all three of you. I miss everything about you.

I wonder how you are, where you are. I wonder what kind of birthday you will have, a few days from now. I can still picture you here, a cake with three candles and balloons tied to your chair. I can hear the sound of your friends singing, the ones I’ve watched grow up these two years with the bittersweet knowledge that somewhere, you are reaching those milestones too. You and your brother are missed, sweet child, missed by many.

I have had only secondhand reports of how things are going for you, and I wish what I’ve heard was better news. I want to fix it for all three of you so badly, and I can’t. I don’t even know where you are. And this is the thing:  sometimes there are no answers, only questions. Sometimes there is no happily-ever-after, storybook ending in sight; there’s nothing in sight at all but a haze of sadness. Sometimes there is no comfort, only the sort of blind faith you cling to like a life preserver. Faith in a God who loves you even more than I do; Father to the fatherless, Hope to the hopeless, Help to the helpless.

It’s enough, and nowhere near enough, all at the same time.

Just know, you will always be a part of us no matter where you are. We are always here for you, all of you, with open arms. You are a blessing, a precious blessing…never forget that!

Happy birthday, sweet boy.  You are deeply missed and very loved.

Love,

me

4 thoughts on “Dear Foster Baby

  • October 31, 2013 at 12:00 am
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    I love this post. My husband and I have done foster care for five years, adopted two kids and I still wonder about the others who have gone back to be with family members. I have a photo album of pictures just of our foster kids that I pull out from time to time to remember and pray for them. Blessings to you.

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  • October 31, 2013 at 5:38 pm
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    I was adopted as an infant and spent the first couple of months of my life with a foster mother. I just want to say thank you for fostering – this gift of love you give to your children passing through is such a blessing for the child, for the birth parents and for the adoptive parents.

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  • November 1, 2013 at 3:50 am
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    i am crying. this makes me sad, so very sad, and yet, it’s beautiful too… i wish this baby could have stayed with you. i pray she will always remember what it felt like to be loved by you. e.

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  • November 1, 2013 at 5:17 pm
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    Kendra, I love hearing from others who’ve been down this road. The photo album is a great idea! And so happy for your adoptions, what a blessing to all parties involved. Tall Girl, thank you! It’s a wonderful blessing to hear from you, and it helps :o) Emily, I know you’ve been down a similar road, and I’m so glad you still have contact with your foster boys. Thanks for your love and prayers!

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